eclyptical

White Lies - Fifty on our Foreheads

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 17:50:52 GMT

Michelle Featherstone - I'm There Too

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 05:14:29 GMT

Michelle Featherstone - "I'm There Too" from Peaceful Warrior

Lakeshore Records | MySpace Music Videos

More on the Composite Reading...

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 03:21:30 GMT

Sun, Moon, & Rising Sign Info

Taurus Rising
This is the image we present to others and the nature of our relationship.

We tend to focus on the pleasures of life. We value pleasure and material things. We have an artistic flair both as a partnership and individually when we come together. This is also a healing relationship. Obedience, loyalty, and kindness are brought out in both of us. Together, we seem quiet and almost passive on the surface, but our will as a team is powerful, and we can be quite stubborn at times. We hold on tightly to projects that we have put our hearts into, and we can breathe new life into and almost lost cause. Romantically, we share a sensual desire for close contact with each other. We crave the security and comfort of relaxing in the warmth of our own private environment. If we live together, we'll work hard to make our home attractive. Our relationship has a practical basis that provides us with purpose, productivity, and stability, although we can sometimes get too rigid in our thinking. Material things come easily to us, so that we can live a comfortable life without being too concerned about it. As a team, it is helpful for us to stay as open as we can to new possibilities when they arise.

Composite Uranus in inconjunct with Ascendant
These energies don't flow smoothly, so caution must be taken in this area.
We have an eclectic and exciting relationship. We have a cosmic connection to a level of intuition far beyond the physical plane. This makes an unusual and eccentric partnership. Over time, we have to decide what we want to get out of the relationship and adjust our expectations to match what is actually an option. There will be some major adjustments that we have to make. One of us may feel like we have to pursue an individual path of growth that is completely independent from the other person's input.

Composite Sun in weak conjunction with Ascendant
This is the strongest blend of energies possible.
Our relationship is strong-willed and generous regarding the impact it makes on the world. Together, we are dramatic, assertive, creative, self-confident, and a bit self-indulgent. One or both of us may already have this type of willful energy, and the impact is magnified when we are together. We are a mutual fan club for each other. When we have people over or socialize, we expect to be the center of attention, and we often are. Our relationship has great energy and staying power, and that goes a long way towards minimizing any other deficits in our relationship. Our challenge is to stay centered and become more self-aware, to refrain from arrogance, and develop humility and compassion toward those around us.

Composite Mars in weak conjunction with Ascendant
This is the strongest blend of energies possible.
Our relationship is energetic, active, and outgoing. This is a great influence for feeling solid about our partnership and the reasons we have come together. Together, we are more confident and accomplishment-oriented than as individuals. We have a strong sense of ourselves as a team, and tend to make waves when we put our heads together. We may have excess outgoing initiative that is obvious to those around us. Because there is so much willpower at our disposal, we must find an outlet for that energy, or else we will turn it on each other in unnecessary arguments. Physical activity together could be a good way to accomplish that. We should be cautious of being sharp with each other, or of one of us trying to overpower the other. Make sure we know why we are together, and that we both agree with that reason - and then, lookout, world!

Composite Saturn in weak opposition with Ascendant
The energies are polarized, and external events stimulate their interaction. It is a challenge to integrate these two influences with each other.
Our relationship is responsible and stable, but with some serious limitations to deal with. Together, we are very aware of the ties that bind us, and we may feel stifled by them at times. We have to work through some difficulties to sustain the relationship, but working through these difficulties gives our relationship a strength that it might not otherwise have. There may also be difficulties that come at us from outside the relationship or other limitations that prevent us from fully capitalizing on what might be possible to achieve together. Positively, our relationship is achievement-oriented and can help us move far toward our established goals, as long as we can agree on what they are. There may be an age difference, or one of us may look to the other for guidance. Difficulties that have to be worked through as the relationship progresses may need to be seen as serious drawbacks, or else we might end up looking at them as a sign of the strong bond that exists between us when all is said and done.

Composite Neptune in weak trine with Ascendant
The connection in this area is easy and beneficial.
This influence represents a very sensitive, visionary, and creative relationship. Our relationship might be founded on principles of an artistic or musical nature, and we are likely to be extraordinarily sensitive to each other. We are very sympathetic to each other's needs. We possess an ethereal quality together. We may have problems feeling free to assert ourselves in our relationship, so that we evade decisions or practice other forms of escapism. Our relationship may also have with illusion or outright deception. Together, we feel separate from ordinary reality, and this separateness may find it's outlet in poetic or musical expression. We have a powerful connection with the spiritual side of reality, which is a wonderful ideal to adhere to, and takes us far toward where we intend to head in life, especially when we can balance this with the practicalities of everyday life.

Composite Pluto in weak opposition with Ascendant
The energies are polarized, and external events stimulate their interaction. It is a challenge to integrate these two influences with each other.
This influence signifies a transformative and depth-oriented relationship. Our connection has it's dark moments, but it is fundamental in energizing our lives and allowing us to move through some very significant issues together. We are likely to be engaged in some sort of power struggle with each other in our relationship, which can be hard to handle gracefully, but which can also be a blessing in bringing up the hidden places within each of us and exposing them to the light of conscious awareness. Together, we have strong desires and are intent on pursuing them. Our relationship will go through many changes as we evolve our understanding of ourselves and each other. Boundary issues may come up between us, or questions about who is calling the shots at any one moment, and this can cause us conflict as we work out these issues together. It is helpful for us to pay close attention to how we respond with our inner voice to each of these situations, and focus on dealing with our own needs and reactivity first and foremost, rather than playing the blame game (which is basically a cop-out from having to handle our own issues). By being aware of our feelings and respecting each other, we can achieve a lot toward evolving the relationship between us, and also toward personally growing and developing ourselves.

Composite Sun in strong opposition with Saturn
The energies are polarized and external events stimulate their interaction. It is a challenge to integrate these two influences with each other.
This influence gives us a deeper concentration (or blockage) in the capacity for the relationship to express itself. Sometimes we wonder whether or not we are committed. Our relationship goes through periods of low energy, where it seems to go nowhere, or else where we just don't see each other much at all. At other times, we can create one of the most ambitious teams around, and we could leave a mark behind in the world. When our relationship experiences a period of depression or dormancy, it is helpful for us to learn to let go and stay positive, and to trust that the relationship will pick up again when the time is right.

Composite Sun in strong trine with Neptune
The connection in this area is easy and beneficial.
With this influence, our relationship has vision and creativity, and there is a high level of sensitivity between us. Our connection has an unworldly, ethereal side. We tend to be spiritually aligned, with similar dreams about how we want to live our lives. Our connection has a strong psychic (or nonverbal) quality to it, and we're likely to share a deep passion for art, healing, and the mystery of life. We bring out a soft-hearted quality in each other, and we must make sure that we don't sacrifice too much of ourselves in helping others. Our relationship thrives in it's subtle body, but we can suffer if we expect it to bear fruit in the material plane. When we are together, we may have difficulties with our motivation. We may have issues of idealism or fantasy, and even outright deception, which we will work through together in the course of the relationship. We share an interest in art or music. When we find expression for the mystical force we share, tremendous creativity is possible, which may manifest itself through artistic channels such as music, drama, or poetry.

Composite Sun in strong opposition with Pluto
The energies are polarized and external events stimulate their interaction. It is a challenge to integrate these two influences with each other.
This influence brings out the power drive in our relationship, and represents the powerful intensity of connection between us. This relationship will likely change our entire lives. There is an almost "life and death" intensity within the very basic energy of our relationship. Together, we tend to be willful, with a natural inclination to play with power - inside or outside of the relationship. We may have power struggles or a compulsion toward self-assertion or self-appreciation. Underlying feelings of insecurity lead to ego-oriented behavior between us. As we become more conscious of these influences, we have the potential to heal them, so exploring these feelings can be very rewarding for both of us. We may also explore the power dynamic through our sexuality. We may have a powerful urge to join resources and contribute something that will transform the world around us. No matter what, our relationship tends to undergo many cycles in it's life. When we learn to focus our high energy on conscious transformation, our relationship can become a focal point for the evolution of society itself.

Composite Sun in inconjunct with Jupiter
These energies don't flow smoothly, so caution must be taken in this area.
This influence gives our relationship an optimistic and high-spirited quality, with a strong focus on growth and expansion. Together, we're likely to be materially fortunate. We are also agreeable and lively, generous with both our money and our affections. We share a tendency to overdo things or overindulge in the things we love. We also experience a degree of conflict between our material and spiritual aspirations. Together, we're attracted to higher learning and travel, or other ways of expanding our horizons. We should be aware of the potential extravagant edge to our shared activities, so we can understand that it will help us to look carefully before we leap and be patient with each other when the surf is low. Just know that another set of waves will eventually come along and sweep us off onto the next adventure.

Composite Sun in square with Midheaven
These energies conflict, and internal and creative tensions bring rich rewards through effort over time.
Our relationship has a concentrated focus on intention and a powerful achievement orientation. This gives an active focus to joint projects that we want to take on. However, we may differ over the goals of our partnership, and we need to have the ability to compromise and provide support to each other in our individual career goals. Our relationship may be more susceptible to matters of prestige and outside influence than we would like. We are liable to become very involved with career and outer world affairs, perhaps to the detriment of more private and domestic issues. We may not always agree on where the relationship is headed, but we are quite determined on promoting our joint goals when we determine what those are. It is helpful for us to strive for the bigger picture in helping the causes of both social and personal goals.

Composite Moon in square with Mercury
These energies conflict, and internal and creative tensions bring rich rewards through effort over time.
This influence brings verbally expressive and creative quality to our relationship, and our thinking and feeling functions tend to clash with each other. We both have a gift for expression, both with each other and in dealing with the larger world. We have powerful thinking and a fertile imagination, which gives our joint expression a witty and entertaining twist, and we are both good for putting our ideas into words. At times, thoughts and emotions will not share the stage between us, but one or the other will dominate. When thoughts preside over emotions, emotional difficulties can arise, and it will take much longer to clear things up than it took for the difficulty to occur in the first place. When emotions preside over thoughts, we may say things with an uncharacteristic intensity that surprises both of us, or we may also find ourselves trying to reform each other. We must stay on top of difficulties each time they arise, and we must be careful to take responsibility for our own issues. A creative tension exists within the verbal and emotional aspects of our relationship, which can be a force for powerful expression, as long as we can find common ground in our shared desire for love, understanding, and acceptance of each other.

... okay, that's a good chunk ... more later ...

Couples Composite Reading - Translated

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 04:08:12 GMT

I need to translate this from the original reading for Derek and I. I am having too much difficulty understanding it as it is written, and I need to convert it into layman's terms! :)

Introduction
This reading is for 2 people in any type of relationship, and focuses on the relationship itself rather than the individuals. It is based on a "composite chart" - which represents the two people's energies combined.

Chart Patterns
Seesaw
We are balanced in our outlook, always aware of both sides of an issue, and able to compromise between opposing points of view.

T-Square, focal planet Moon
We have a high level of motivation and drive. We must learn to use our energy wisely in pursuing of true goals. We may show compulsive behavior in this area. This is the core emotional focus of our relationship, and is the most sensitive area between us.

One of the most enjoyable and rewarding parts of our relationship is our ability to share our responses and reactions to the events in our lives with each other. Emotionally, we are on the same wavelength, and enjoy discussing everything from feelings, stories, and dreams, to current events, politics, and the general state of the world. We are a constant source of mutual inspiration, and rarely get tired of each other. Siblings and other relatives also become a part of our relationship. Because our connection is so close, it is hard for us to objectively look at our own relationship issues. We may also have a habit of bouncing from one subject to another. It would be helpful for us to cultivate our intellectual interests and stimulate each other to more deeply pursue them.

Our relationship provides a strong foundation of emotional security and brings out the sensitive and caring sides in both of us. We want to protect each other, and may want to just stay safe inside the relationship. We care about nurturing and protecting each other, as well as others in our circle. We can also be wary of outsiders, especially if we have emotional tendencies toward jealousy. It is very helpful for us to make sure to address and heal our injuries (both real and imagined), rather than giving into an extended withdrawal from each other. We tend to be more concerned with private than public affairs.

Yod, focal planet Chiron
We have a strong emphasis on this area of our lives. It can also create subtle tension, which we must personally adjust through in order to transform this energy into more positive lines. This is the area of our shared experience where we will encounter patterns of wounds and deep connection, and where eventually we will heal each other and truly be able to empathize with each other.

This relationship provides an opportunity for both of us to face and heal deeply held wounds regarding our ability to exist and initiate actions within the relationship. Our very relationship can be threatened by disturbing realizations and paintful memories. Together, we can work through the pain that each of us felt as children from being belittled and put down (rather than encouraged) by the adults in our lives during our formative years. In our relationship, we encounter and overcome obstacles that prevent each of us from reaching our full potential. In our relationship, we operate more from a fear of failure than from expecting success (which would breed confidence for future achievement). We may sacrifice our own personal goals to help fulfill each others' goals, or to fulfill the goals of those around us, because we feel like somehow their goals are more important than our own (or at least like they should be the priority). One of us may feel like we haven't achieved enough in our own personal lives, so we compensate by trying too hard to help others, and put ourself into the background. This pattern is hard to overcome if it remains subconscious, so the first step to resolve it is to become more aware of these thought processes. Become aware of our own pain, and then take time and thought to acknowledge and discover more about what went on in our past relationships to make us feel so resigned with our abilities in our current relationship. Once we think about this, then we can start to come out from behind those painful experiences and really show ourselves to each other and the world around us. Then, as we more consciously understand our own personal dynamics, we can help others to deal with similar issues, which will transform our false sense of achieving things through others to a strong center of true friendship.

This relationship also provides an opportunity to face deeply held wounds regarding our ability to make money and maintain possessions. Physical resources challenge our relationship, because one or both of us have seen everything taken away at one point in our lives, or else has risen above materially challenging circumstances, so we demonstrate a painful attitude toward material well-being. We may have to face fears that possessions dominate the life of the relationship. While others can count on their resources and trust that they will have enough, we find ourselves suspicious that what we have won't last. Even if it is more than adequate, somehow it doesn't seem like enough to satisfy us. These feelings can affect the relationship's deeper values, and we may feel at sea rather than on stable ground in this area (not being sure about what we do and don't find attractive). These feelings are rooted in early childhood relationships, where one or both of us experienced pain getting what we wanted for ourselves, independent of those who had authority over us. In order for the relationship to succeed, it is important to get in touch with these deep and partially repressed feelings. When we can confront the paintful and scary parts of ourselves and our relationship, we can start integrating the feelings we have buried, and will become more in charge of the relationship and the course that each of us takes through life.

Important Features

Composite Saturn in Scorpio; 6th House
This is where we will encounter difficulties and build success through trials and accomplishment.
Together, our mental powers are deeper and more concentrated, and we are more discerning. We work hard together, and inspire each other to put extra effort into completing the tasks we have set for ourselves. One of us may work as a subordinate to the other. Subconscious fears about self-worth may spur us on, and we may have the opportunity to heal that fear in each other. We are good at handling small details together, but we must make sure not to get lost in the inconsequential. We also need to make sure to let up a litle when it comes to paying attention to each other's hearts (not micromanaging). Our partnership may have a strong focus on health issues. Together, we're seriousminded and make an excellent working team, whether for personal matters or contributing something to the world.

This is an intense relationship that evokes a profound emotional experience between us. When we are together, there is a blockage or deepening of concentration in our feelings, so many complex emotions are generated between us. We will feel the undercurrent of powerful feelings in connection to each other, but these are only partially conscious without working to understand them better. This relationship triggers (and helps us understand) power-oriented and possessive qualities in each of us. Romantically, we may find that an important level of intimacy is consistently blocked. This can be frustrating and difficult. If we learn to trust each other and open up to the process, the relationship can provide us an opportunity to heal fears around the topics of emotional closeness and sexuality. In fact, one of the main lessons of this relationship may be to lean to master and become conscious of these hidden drives within each of us, transforming this energy into a sustaining healing power for ourselves and those around us.

Composite Jupiter in Sagittarius; 7th House
This is where we will find good fortune and faith in positive outcomes.
The refined and idealistic aspects of our relationship are emphasized. We experience the relationship itself as the true source of our shared happiness. This is one of the best influences for romantic relationships. We work well with people together, and may become known for our fairness. We both grow when we engage in these types of activities. We may form a partnership that will make a habit of championing both sides of a dispute and making sure the underdog has a say. We may be outwardly-directed, and concerned about what others might think. Romantically, we find enjoyment everywhere together. Our relationship grows through exploring art and beauty wherever we find it. It helps us when we develop a joint capacity to stop and smell the flowers and follow our energy to serve each other and the relationship, so that instead of pursuing the socially acceptabed mandate of "steam ahead" we simply focus on getting our boat down the river.

Our relationship has an outgoing and optimistic nature, which is also very idealistic and high-minded. We are freedom-loving, and enjoy travel and adventure with each other (especially in natural surroundings). Together, we have an innate sense of the spiritual possibilities in ordinary life. Romantically, our relationship grows as we seek opportunity through education and exploring new horizons, and as we constantly expand our repertoire of skills and knowledge. Even if we don't pursue this type of growth together, circumstances will likely choose it for us. We like to take chances, and don't care so much about financial security or material rewards. Any work that motivates our joint ideals will capture our undivided attention, but only for as long as those ideals are motivated. We may need to learn to finish one thing before we start another. We are likely to be devoted to the principles of higher education, or studies such as metaphysics and philosophy.

Composite Pluto in Libra; 6th House
This is where we have a mutual drive for power, and where our relationship will be transformative.
This is a relationship where there is a need to sacrifice to each other and to the relationship. We may also experience a strong desire (or even compulsion) to serve the general good or others that we encounter. We are working through deep-seated unconscious dynamics of being truly helpful and available to others. Romantically, to prevent power struggles that will play out within the issues of sharing and serving each other, we must carefully turn the light of consciousness onto the working dynamics of the relationship. Even though our culture doesn't encourage it, we benefit when we develop an ability to both acknowledge the power dynamics at play, and when we begin to grow a very real and sincere humility, or take the time to think about built-up unresolved emotions within us, and just let it be. It will be very helpful for us to become aware of our own compulsions to create a crisis, and it is also helpful to take time out from the relationship in order to practice deeply forgiving each other. As a survival instinct, we may have a desire to bring integrity and expansion into the area of shared service and to confront any limitation that prevents this from happening. When we work together for greater individual understanding in this area, we help not only ourselves, but also those we come into contact with, because we move toward a more conscious and freely given act of sharing.

Our relationship has an intense focus on satisfying our individual needs and desires by pairing up with each other. There is an almost fated sense of connection between us; like we have come together for a powerful reason. In our relationship, we have a calling to learn about the nature of each other's needs and expectations. We may also have power issues to deal with as one or the other of us unconsciously tries to dominate the other. As we sort things out with each other, we will transform ourselves around the topics of balance and control. Romantically, this transformation may first show itself as an unconscious acting out of traditional roles. As we begin to resist playing out old patterns with each other, a powerful love/hate response may arise in one of us. Getting to the point where our wills become harmonized with each other takes time, but eventually we will develop the ability to at least partially begin to "act as one" as power struggles give way to mutual love and respect. Having the courage to begin to confront these patterns is the challenge. It is helpful for us to allow time for shared reflection when our needs aren't being met. A lot of self-understanding will be gained through our conversations on the topic of power sharing vs unilateral control once we can learn to really hear each other.

Composite Mars in Taurus; 1st House
This is our shared activity in pursuit of our goals, and where ego needs may exist.
We have an independent and positive expression of energy within our relationship. As a team, we're outwardly-directed and ambitious, and we have a strong will and a high level of self-assertion. We can act in very courageous and enthusiastic ways, and also impulsively. We tend to respond first and ask questions later, which may cause us to run into conflicts. Romantically, we are likely to share a fast and furious passion with each other. We may need to work on our tendency to get angry or competitive with each other, or as a partnership, with those around us. We can make the best of our strengths if we can learn to take turns steering, and to wisely control our big, brief bursts of energy. It is helpful to us to take the powerful fire our relationship makes and burn it in controlled, creative, and compassionate ways.

A persistent and patient drive is part of our relationship, and it has an endurance that may outlast many others. Our energy may not burst from the gate, and it may take one or the other of us working individually to get things started, but once we get things going, they will tend to keep going. Romantically, we may go out of our way to experience sensual pleasures and luxury. We may find that we need to work through a tendency for acquisitiveness, or resentment toward each other. As a team, we have an artistic flair, and we function well in the realm of the material and tangible world. It helps us to cultivate an attitude of sharing, and also a more relaxed approach toward money matters.

Composite Sun in Aries; 12th House
This is the core identity of our relationship, and where it finds it's greatest vitality. This is also the predominant flavor of the relationship.
We are a somewhat eccentric pairing that doesn't quite find our home in the real world. We may not have a lot in common, or else we have different opinions about lifestyle, goals, or presentation. Or maybe we just find our shared resting-place in otherworldly planes. Romantically, we may prefer to hide out in our nest together rather than be seen around town with each other. There is a spiritual aspect to our relationship, and a powerful sense of idealism between us. We may be poetically or musically inclined as a couple. With our high ideals, we may sacrifice ourselves for a higher cause. As a team, we tend to champion the underdog, and remove ourselves from mundane affairs, preferring the quiet of a den or study to the noise of the street. We may concentrate on a shared fantasy rather than on practical concerns. It helps us to take our sense of idealism out into the open, making a stronger connection with the world around us and contributing to making society better.

Our relationship centers on a strong initiating quality. As a team, we're very good at taking our powerful outgoing energy and using it for creativity and generally getting things done together. Our relationship has a headstrong, pioneering quality to it. We may be inclined to take some risks together in our enthusiasm. It is helpful for us to learn to reflect and pace ourselves before we rush into things. Romantically, we may share a strong need for love and affection. Our relationship has it's own vitality, and we may find that when we aren't bringing new ideas into being, we find ourselves being physically active. Our joint energy also burns out as brilliantly as it blazes up, and we need to build rest and recuperation time into our shared life together. It's especially helpful for us to take short rests apart from each other. Regardless of how each of us are separately, our partnership brings out a strong sense of will and a self-centered approach to the pursuit of our mutual goals. When we take time to give those around us as much attention as we give ourselves, and learn to develop receptivity, we bring more balance to the situation.

...more later - it's time to go!!!...

Music

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 19:03:12 GMT

In such a crazy place right now. For your viewing pleasure...

Anya Marina - All the Same to Me

Anya Marina |MTV Music

Eminem - Beautiful
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtXmtJaHhHg

Chromeo - Night by Night

OK Go - WTF?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9H5bUxe3v9g

Today

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 22:02:07 GMT

My Mom sent me an article on Detachment today, which was very helpful to me. Here is the link:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/
Here are the points that really stuck out to me...

What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.
* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be."

What are the negative effects not detaching?
If you are unable to detach from people, places or things, then you:
* Run the risk of being manipulated to do things for people, at places or with things which you do not really want to do.
* Can become an obsessive "fix it" who needs to fix everything you perceive to be imperfect.
* Will most probably become powerless in the face of the demands of the people, places or things whom you have given the power to control you.
* Might become caught up with your idealistic need to make everything perfect for people, places or things important to you even if it means your own life becomes unhealthy.
* Will be so driven by guilt and emotional dependence that the sickness in the relationship will worsen.
* Run the risk of losing your autonomy and independence and derive your value or worth solely from the unhealthy relationship you continue in with the unhealthy person, place or thing.

How is detachment a control issue?
Detachment is a control issue because:
* You might be mesmerized, brainwashed or psychically in a trance when you are in the presence of someone from whom you cannot detach.
* By being "selfless" and "centered" on other people, you are really a controller trying to fix them to meet the image of your ideal for them.

What irrational thinking leads to an inability to detach?
* Being detached seems so cold and aloof. You can't be that way when you love and care for a person. It's either 100 percent all the way or no way at all.
* Detachment sounds so final. It sounds so distant and non-reachable. You could never allow yourself to have a relationship where there is so much emotional distance between you and others. It seems so unnatural.
* You never want anybody in a relationship to be emotionally detached from you so why would you think it a good thing to do for others?
* The family that plays together stays together. It's all for one and one for all. Never do anything without including the significant others in your life.
* If one hurts in the system, we all hurt. You do not have a good relationship with others unless you share in their pain, hurt, suffering, problems and troubles.
* You would rather forgo all the pleasures of this world in order to assist others to be happy and successful.
* You can never "give too much" when it comes to providing emotional support, comforting and care of those whom you love and cherish.

How to Develop Detachment
Make a commitment to your personal recovery and self-health by admitting to yourself and your Higher Power that there is only one person you can change and that is yourself and that for your serenity you need to let go of the "need" to fix, change, rescue or heal other persons, places and things.
Recognize that it is "sick" and "unhealthy" to believe that you have the power or control enough to fix, correct, change, heal or rescue another person, place or thing if they do not want to get better nor see a need to change.
Continue to own your feelings as your responsibility and not blame others for the way you feel.
Accept personal responsibility for your own unhealthy actions, feelings and thinking and cease looking for the persons, places or things you can blame for your unhealthiness.
Accept that addicted fixing, rescuing, enabling are "sick" behaviors and strive to extinguish these behaviors in your relationship to persons, places and things.
Accept that many people, places and things in your past and current life are "irrational," "unhealthy" and "toxic" influences in your life, label them honestly for what they truly are, and stop minimizing their negative impact in your life
Practice "letting go" of the need to correct, fix or make better the persons, places and things in life over which you have no control or power to change.

Types of Toxic Relationships
* You find it hard to let go of because it is addictive.
* Other has the power to impact your feelings about yourself.
* Relationship in which you are a chronic fixer, rescuer or enabler.
* Relationship in which your obligation and loyalty won't allow you to let go.

Accept and admit to yourself that the other person, place or thing is "sick," dysfunctional or irrational, and that no matter what you say, do or demand you will not be able to control or change this reality. Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you. All others are the unchangeables in your life. Change your expectations that things will be better than what they really are. Hand these people, places or things over to your Higher Power and let go of the need to change them.

Work out reasons why there is no need to feel guilt over letting go and being emotionally detached from this relationship and free yourself from guilt as you let go of the emotional "hooks" in the relationship.

Affirm yourself as being a person who "deserves" healthy, wholesome, health-engendering relationships in your life. You are a good person and deserve healthy relationships, at home, work and in the community.

Continue to give no person, place or thing the power to affect or impact your feelings about yourself.

"Letting Go"
* To "let go" does not mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else.
* To "let go" is not to cut myself off; it's the realization I can't control another.
* To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
* To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
* To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another; it's to make the most of myself.
* To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.
* To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.
* To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
* To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
* To "let go" is not to be protective; it's to permit another to face reality.
* To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.
* To "let go" is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
* To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
* To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
* To "let go" is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
* To "let go" is to fear less and love myself more.

IAMX & Imogen Heap - My Secret Friend

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 15:09:53 GMT

A Wild Ride

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 12:00:20 GMT

This has been a crazy weekend.

Tegan & Sara - Hell

The Bravery - Slow Poison

Solid Gold - Bible Thumper

Logan Lynn - Bottom Your Way to the Top

The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 01:40:22 GMT

Ladyhawke - My Delirium

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 14:16:22 GMT

Two New Songs

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 19:29:18 GMT

This first one I would have to say is actually a good version of the female chorus yell that's so popular and irritating right now. Why can't she be popular instead of that #*$(@&$*(!!!

Spinnerette - Baptized by Fire

And an old favorite...

Cut Copy - Hearts on Fire

I like this.

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 01:22:17 GMT

Amazing Baby - Headdress

Remember leotards?

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 01:32:30 GMT

Peaches - Lose You

This is eerily pretty.

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 01:30:33 GMT

Fever Ray - Triangle Walks

Fever Ray - Triangle Walks- Watch more Music Videos at Vodpod.

All I can say is...yeah...

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 01:27:42 GMT

Gossip - Heavy Cross

Break it down on the golf course!

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 01:25:07 GMT

Peter, Bjorn, and John - It Don't Move Me

La Roux - In for the Kill

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 13:48:51 GMT

\\\ LA ROUX /// IN FOR THE KILL

2 Songs - Oddly Similar

Sat, 23 May 2009 18:31:28 GMT

These two songs have different feels, but in some odd way seem to make the same point on two different planes...

Empire of the Sun - Walking on a Dream

Steven Wilson - Harmony Korine

N.A.S.A. - Gifted

Fri, 01 May 2009 19:36:19 GMT

The Presets - If I Know You

Fri, 01 May 2009 19:07:33 GMT

Scissor Sisters - Take Your Mama Out

Fri, 01 May 2009 17:55:50 GMT

Scissor Sisters - Take your Mama Out

Realizations

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 15:28:21 GMT

So, at least I know where I went wrong. But I have no clue where to go from here. I can look back and say - I was on the wrong track here, - I was on the wrong track here. I don't know if it's fixable. Even if it was, I don't have the first idea as far as how to set up the necessary structure to make things balanced in the way they need to be. Things have gotten so far off track that I think I ended up in a different galaxy than where I was trying to head. And now I'm hurt, too, and I don't know if I can trust again. Add insult to injury. Fact is, I have been hurt for a long time, and that is why I have been acting out. Because I didn't have the insight to realize how fucked up I was from the first time. Instead, just becoming obsessive about the issue, letting it drive me crazy indirectly. How does "you have to communicate - you have to communicate" translate into "I don't think I can get over the disloyal thoughts you had" and the irony is that a piece of me KNOWS if I had acted correctly in the first place, the disloyal thoughts might not have existed. But this is where we are now, basically taking each other's hearts and tearing them up. I can come up with excuse after excuse after excuse. I'm smart like that. Or unhealthy. You choose the word. Either one fits. All I know is that I am really good at getting out of taking ownership for my own behavior. Somewhere down the road, I stopped watching myself and started being a bitch. Again, some part of me got too comfortable. And now I have regressed into obsessive controlling emotional behavior again. This is why relationships are so hard for me. I feel like giving them up altogether. Maybe I should. Isn't that what an alcoholic has to do? Can't just have a taste, because it starts everything all over again. I have tried so hard to look inside and fix my issues. In between mess ups, I have really tried to take the time and develop resistances to my unhealthy behavior. I have struggled and faught with myself, forcing myself to become comfortable with being alone, forcing myself to take things slowly in hopes this wouldn't happen again. But it does. Time after time. And I am at a dead end. I don't know what to do. All I know is that this sucks.

Thought of the day.

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 15:17:24 GMT

So what's on my mind? A million things. Right now, I am lost in this world of trying to figure out where I end and someone else begins. Have you ever gotten so close to someone that you can't tell what is attributable to you vs them? All I know right now is that I am a jumbled mess. I know that I have made some mistakes along the way that have allowed me to completely lose myself into the world I was living in. I could beat myself up for it, because I KNOW that I need time to myself, or this happens. But a piece of me kept saying "not this time" "it'll be okay". Well, it's not okay. Now, I have no separate identity. Again. And why is that not good? Because I start doing really dumb shit and blame it on the other person. And it's easy for me to do because I have no time by myself to realize and hold myself accountable. It's like any drug. My drug is people. I get addicted. I can't separate. I just want more and more and more, until it drives me insane. Ha perhaps I should be playing the song "you're my addiction" right now... :) Last time, I knew this, but the other person wouldn't let me take time for myself. This time, it's all my fault. I could have. But I didn't have the strength to take care of my personal needs over my wants. And so I fucked a lot of shit up. And I have been for a long time. And I might have realized it earlier if I wasn't so sucked into it all. But I was and now it's a mess.

Jumbled Up

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 15:09:16 GMT

I have so many thoughts running around in my head right now. I need an outlet to release them and get a little clarity. It has been so long since I have needed to write in my journal. I hate failure. Sometimes I wish I could see it for what it is - an occasional necessary growing process, but it brings the fear of God into me for whatever reason. It hurts so much to try so hard sometimes, and then watch it fall back in your face. One thing I have learned throughout life is that sometimes trying too hard is what makes things fail. I have a propensity to become obsessive, and I have had to go through a constant pattern of reeling myself back in after I have been pushing too much energy in one direction. I almost always end up running over other people. Which I hate. I wish I could have the objectivity to be able to watch what I am doing and have clear insights into how my decisions affect a situation. Alas, I am on the inside looking out, so my perspective will always be skewed, and I find that I still have to learn by trial and error.

Cool Video

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 15:54:23 GMT

Faithless & Estelle - Why Go?

Faithless & Estelle - Why Go
Uploaded by borisov_ivan